BLAHBLAHBLAH

Oh well.

Anyway, i've re-read Mere Christianity today. I felt awfully upset as i was doing so. Remembering how much i've forgotten and took for granted.

As Eugenia once told me, it's God's that's holding onto our hand. We can never hold onto His, for we're sinful creatures who fall away from Him from time to time. Everything we've gotten, it's by His grace.

For all the lessons i've learnt in life. Thanks Daddy. =)


Ps. My dearest hippo, you know, at times, i'm really glad that you're still around. For being that observer of time. Love you. =)

Edit: I took out the first part of the post. Dont wanna mention it. Lalala.

hush.

Half past twelve
And I'm watching the late show in my flat all alone
How I hate to spend the evening on my own
Autumn winds
Blowing outside my window as I look around the room
And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom
There's not a soul out there
No one to hear my prayer

Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away
Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day

Once again i've commited the cardinal sin of posting song lyrics. By chunks.

Screw that. I really need to find something to look forward to in school. Even amanda's boring now. Sheesh.





Anyway, if you wanna keep something a secret, dont talk about it. I dont mind being taunted if you're still gonna tell me what's on in the end. But if you're not, dont bother telling.

After all, what's your point in doing so ? Just to prove that you've a secret ?




3 months. Time's almost up.

objectivity.

Tuition cancelled yesterday, thus met warren for dinner at that food court near bedok camp. So eons since i've been there.

Anyway, i'm in a somewhat emo mood tonight with wilfred ignoring me for the 3rd consecutive week. Okay. Maybe not cause of wilfred. But emo all the same. Wilfred, if you're reading this, i want you to know, i want that textbook ! Like asap.

I feel fat lately. Tubby actually. Yea.

Su and wx's probs seems to have finally been solved. I dont like making myself known, but i really wonder if i just kept quiet about the whole thing after wx spoke to me, how long the whole affair's gonna drag on.

Why cant people just be frank about stuff ? Silence does not solve a problem. It never does. I learnt that the hard way.

Another point, i think we really should try to overlook things. After all, as the saying goes, traits of people we cant stand are usually traits we ourselves possess.

Suhaidah, if you're reading this, maybe you'll like to think about it. While you complained of being hurt by her comments, maybe you'll like to know some people were hurt by your words too. While you feel that she's loud and boastful, maybe you'll like to know, you can be rather care less about people too. Like how you say she can get overboard at times, you too have been carried away on more ocassion than one. I think we all at times, need to remind ourselves of that fact, that we do have certain flaws too.

If only people were more objective, less judgemental and all color-blind.

dear god.

I know this is kinda obvious, but i just wanna say this out.

I've changed a lot. Many many phases. Many many stages.

I pulled through all the obstacles in my path. Not unscattered for all. But still, i managed. Some had a messy ending, some made me cry for nights. Yet despite those unhappy ones, there are some that taught me a lot and helped me to grow. One thing i'm still trying to achieve is to live without regrets. To not be afraid to do the right thing.

I'm still learning. Still changing. Still praying. Still trying.

However, i know, no matter what happens, i'll get through it and emerge even stronger than before.



Thank you Jesus, for everything you've gave me and everything you've planned for me.

mushrooms.

I've just had a really queer and absurd idea to dress as a giant button mushroom for Racial Harmony Day.


Yes i know i'm weird.

i am feeling random. hello world.

I know i'm supposed to be studying for my Biology SPA tomorrow (spaiscrapspaiscrapspaiscrap) but before i get going..

The rules:
Bold the statements that are true to you.
Italise the statements that you WISH are true.
Then, tag 5 people to do the same test.

I miss somebody right now.
I dont watch TV these days.
I wear glasses or contact lenses.
I love to play video games.
I've tried marijuana.
I have been in a threesome.
I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes.
I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
I'm TOTALLY smart.
I've broken someone's bones.
I'm paranoid sometimes.
I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
I need money right now.
I love sushi.
I talk really,really fast.
I have long hair.
I have lost money in Las Vegas.
I have at least one sibling.
I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
I LOVE the way i look.
I am usually pessimistic.
I have a lot of mood swings.
I have a(MANY) hidden talent(S).
I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
I have a lot of friends.
I am currently single.
I have pecked someone of the same sex.
I enjoy talking on the phone.
I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
I love to shop.
I enjoy window shopping.
I would rather shop than eat.
I don't hate anyone.
I'm a BETTER dancer.
I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
I have a cell phone.
I believe in God.
I watch MTV on a daily basis.
I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
I've rejected someone before.
I have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
I want to have children in the future.
I have changed a diaper before.
I've called the cops on a friend before.
I'm not allergic to anything.
I have a lot to learn.
I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
I am shy around the opposite sex.
I have tried alcohol before.
I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
I own the "South Park" movie.
I would die for my best friends.
I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
I think Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
I watch Spongebob Squarepants and i LOVE it.
I am happy at this moment!
I'm obsessed with guys.
I study for tests most of the time.
I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
I am comfortable with who I am right now.
I have more than just my ears pierced.
I walk barefoot wherever i can.
I have jumped off a bridge.
I love sea turtles.
I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
I'm proficient in a musical instrument.
I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
I hate office jobs.
I love sci-fi movies.
I think water rules.
I went college out of state.
I like sausages.
I love getting hugs.
I've fallen for the worst people.
I adore bright colours.
I can't live without black eyeliner.
I don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
I usually like covers better than originals.
I can pick up things with my toes.
I can't whistle.
I love kisses.
I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes slither.
I have ridden/owned a horse.
I still have every journal I've ever written in.
I can't stick to a diet.
I talk in my sleep.
I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
I think climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
I have jazz in my blood.
I wear a toe ring.
I have a tattoo.
I can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
I am a caffeine junkie.
I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
I have been to over 15 conventions.
I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
I'm an artist.
I only clean my room when necessary.
I like a person of the same sex.
I love being happy.
I am an adrenaline junkie.

And well, the people i tag:

Kenneth
David
Banu
Warren
Wilfred

06s08

Had sea sports carnival today. Was okay. Somewhat boring. Most exciting part of the day was when i realised i lost 50 bucks. Lol.

Anyway, that is besides the point. Well, i really think the class is kinda screwed up. In fact, i would be glad if another thrash out session is called for. Issues issues. Tskk.

Not to mention the fact that i'm kinda sick of the class' 'enthu`ness'. They want things but no one'll willing to stept forth. Pushing it to someone else using one reason or another. Honestly, if no one'll willing to do it, dont bother getting someone else to do it. It's unfair to the party being forced to do as well as the person forcing. Heh.

Reminds me of the track meet this year. The class claimed that David and i were too obsessed over it. Maybe. But thing is, you guys wanna win, you claimed that you do. Yet always, no one'll willing to step up. Then when we chose, people were unhappy. People who didnt get chosen claimed that they would've tried if made to. But on the actual day when we really needed runners. Who went up ? No one.

Annoyed. Yes i am. Would you not be. It's like a broken promise. When you say the class doesnt bond, ask yourself, since you already know that, then are you really trying to make it bond ?

This entry's to answer the enquiries i've gotten lately with regards to the significance of the current url.



Basically, a windshadow is an area that is blocked from the headwind by an object in the wind's direction. Put simply, an area that is protected from the wind.

Windshadows are often heard of in sports such as sailing and running. As a 800m runner, it has often been said that, it'll be better to keep behind the first runner. This is because when you do so, the first runner takes the headwind and therefore in this case, is using more energy to run the speed you are running. Hence by running in the windshadow, there is less wind resistance, thus you're conserving energy as you're being guarded against the headwind.


The wind. In my case in but an analogy. And what is really symbolizes, is for only me to know.

Love you. =)

Windshadow`ed

I've finally - after some 20 eons of contemplation - moved.











Because i'm living in the windshadows.

orientate me.

I've about 70 left for the month. Sooooooooooooo dead. Argh.

Anyway, sea sports carnival on monday. Yayness. Amanda~! Hahaha.

I realised that i've a slight tendency to notice girls lately. Met up with Warren and his current classmate - and dinie's ex-classmate - Shane Meyer just now.

Mr Shane dude claims that Warren and i are similiar in a way whereby we've somewhat eccentric sexual preferrences. So not true. I mean, we all know what warren wants to do to Chek Meng la. And unlike him, i just find them attractive in a rather platonic manner. Yeaa..

Whatever la.


Wilfred was laughing when i told him of what Johann said. The whole "you're not les right ?" conversation some many weeks ago.

drip ii.

Maybe as some of you might recall, a past post titled "drip". Well, you know that cheesy line, "dont wish for anything, for you might just get it" came true. So yea. I've Ms Goh for 10 weeks, doing rock climbing.

But you know, my shoulder's been acting up a lot lately. So has the knee.

Benji and i have yet to go for lunch and he's leaving this friday. Sigh. Guess our pre-trip lunch is kinda impossible now. It always happens. Everytime everything seems nicely planned, something has to crop up last minute. Sigh.

I think maybe it's just fate's way of laughing in my face.

Ps. Happy birthday Bertrand ! =)

Joseph. WangKi.

I realised everytime i talk to Jo(extreme left) and Wangki(the one with the spastic look on the face; wearing black framed specs) - which is quite often - at the same time - which isnt as often - we'll end up having a online conference. Which is uber fun in a way.

Reminds me of that first day i knew Ki and the midnight conference call with Jo, GuoMing and Kellyn that very night. Then the shopping and pool session the next day with him, Jo and GuoMing.

Finally being the uber nice guy Ki is, how he - and Jo after Ki convinced him - stayed with me for an hour or so waiting for my friend. I miss those days. I miss my PAE people. =)

Seriously, Ki, i think i really got to know you thru' that slap. Hahahahaa.

Ps. Yes Joseph. I miss you all. Especially you. Happy now ?

note

Okay. I'm seriously wondering whether i should take down Jo's photos (for his safety, after i found out that warren keeps viewing them).

Anyway, today's lunch with Benji as unfortunately called off due to last minute stuff (as usual). So yea. And i cant make it tomorrow in the end as i'll be off watching the National Track and Field Finals. Oh well.

Going out with jo for lunch during his hols. Need to arrange date to meet out with Wangki soon too. Oh yes. And to get wilfred's AMath textbook. Yes yes. So many random things to be done. Sigh.

Maybe I've been the problem,
maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself,
the outcome feels the same

- Stars by Switchfoot

I think most of you can relate to this song. In some ways.
But that's besides the point. You know, i've realised while i've grew to be more empathic over the years, I've grew somewhat numb to unwanted affection.

Love in December
I will always remember
Our summer with passion, a fatal attraction
Colours are fading like the leaves in November
what's left of the magic ?

- Love in December by Ace of Base

I think i need the apathy. Better to not feel than to feel hurt. Maybe.

Love may be a really nice way to feel, but it's too easily manipulated and twisted to enjoy fully.
- Wilfred

ramblings

Okay, been a week since my last post. School's a bore lately. I got back my results by now.

GP: 44/100 (S)
Chinese: 47/100 (E)
Economics: 48/100 (E)
Biology: 45/100 (E)
Mathematics: 54/100 (D)
Chemistry: 20/100 (U)

Putting them all together to try to string something interesting, what i've managed is a 'SEEED U'. Yes. Sounds wrong i know.

So yea. Went to catch pirates with Jn, Hem and Su after school yesterday. Let's just say, i was damn pissed by the cliffy they left us with. I hate cliffhangers la. But still, you cant deny that it's a good way to instill an eagerness in wait for the sequel.

Anyway, meet the parent session in school today. Ha. My parents are not going. Thankfully. I can just visualize Ms Sha going on and on and on about my late-coming.

Oh and i'm finally starting to get to school in time now. Just barely. Somedays i'm still a few minutes late, but still, it's a start ! =)

Ps. Suhaidah likes my hair. Like wow. That's a first for me. And she thinks that i dyed it before. So annoying of people. Maybe i really should dye it black. Zzz.

http://likeduh-.blogspot.com

Well, as i've said, i wanted to move - since some eons ago - but never had the guts to do so. So now, the plans will be delayed even more as i work on its template (i've yet to find a photo i'm sastified with to be the main picture) as well as share a blog with my dear warren. I wont really be posting much there. Random musings maybe. Maybe. Oh well.

http://likeduh-.blogspot.com

I know. It's just so us.

Remembering 2006

Added in a new set of links. Some stuff i wanna remember from the year. This column would keep increasing in size and length as time goes. When i'm finally free i'll do up last year's too. Ah well.


Note: The set of links're meant to be reminders to me of things. Not as a source of entertainment for you. If you doubt the credibility of the posts, dont read them. (I'm hoping you wont either) After all, they're all gloomy and morbid in their own ways with nothing to cheer. They're my reminders and my testimonial. To myself.

Because in the end, i know it's not me. =)

jo. seph.

I miss my spastic Jo bunny !!

Breakdown

GP: 44% S
Chinese: 46.7% E
H2 Biology: 45% E
H2 Chemistry: 20% U
H2 Economics: 48.6% E
H1 Math: Unknown. But I'm expecting a U.

You know, while the class seem to be in this dready mood due to the mid-terms results, i'm still feeling rather calm. In fact, i dont feel very upset over the whole thing. Most results were well, expected. But then, i dont know; maybe it's the fact that i dont think i really care anymore. Nothing i wanna escape from anymore. School work, CCA, external commitments, relationships. Everthing's at a standstill now. Nothing's worth any ounce of emotion now.

I think i'll go on a run after my gums're okay. Not to run away this time. Just to clear my head.

Tagged.

1. Do the following WITHOUT complains.
2. Choose 5 persons to do this after you complete yours.
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say he/she have been tagged.
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.

I HAVE BEEN TAGGED BY my dear cousin, PN.

Favourites
Favourite Colour: Blue, pink, purple, there's a whole spectrum actually.
Favourite Food: Anything that's nice i guess. I heart food in general.
Favourite Song: There's this whole list i switch between depending on my mood. But basically some long time loves include
Testify to Love - Avalon
More - Matthew West
Ecstacy - ATB
Book of Time - Enya
Wonderwall - Oasis
Lay All Your Love On Me - ABBA
Gethsemane - Nightwish
(Oh yea. I almost forgot.) Simple Things - Usher
Favourite Movie: I really think i should just skip this favourite part. Well, kinda liked without a paddle. Must be the company. Haha. =)
Favourite Sport: For watching or playing ? Watching would be basketball i think. Playing, well, depending on my mood i guess.
Favourite Day of the Week: Sundays or tuesdays.
Favourite Season: Lol. Not applicable.
Favourite Ice Cream: Dark chocolate ice cream from Awfully Chocolate. =))


Currents
Current Mood: Somewhat tetchy due to the aching jaw. But basically tired and bored.
Current Taste: Still the same. Eccentric.
Current Clothes: Some tee i got during my blood donors camp last year for being the winning group. Pair of fbt.
Current Desktop: Windows - This tree, iBook - It's on rotation
Current Toenail Colour: It just looks shiny.
Current Time: 21.41
Current Surroundings: Light from the screen, whirling of the fan
Current Annoyances: Not being able to hit the C chord nicely. Andre over tightening my strings. Dammit. I miss Andre also la.
Current Thoughts: Hmm.. Should i get a mocha ice blended from coffee bean or caramel frappa from starbucks later ?

Firsts
First Best Friends: Terrence (whom i've lost contact with), Evan, KaiLin, TingTing, Hanisah, Karen, KangLi, Leah and Daniel i guess..
First Crush: Dont recall. Was some guy in pri school i guess.
First Movie: Can't recall. Haha.
First Lie: I'm alright.
First Music: This song about halloween. I remember always playing it on the piano when i was in nursery. Haha.

Lasts
Last Cigarette: Never had. Never will have.
Last Drink: Milk with my cereal. I cant eat/drink hot stuff !!
Last Car Ride: Last sunday when one of the volunteers offered me a lift home.
Last Crush: Cant recall. Unless you count Daniel. But then, i dated him, so it's not really counted ya ?
Last Movie: Drumline.
Last Phone Call: Warren. Usual bitching session.
Last CD played: Abba Trance Remix - Tracing Queen

Have you ever
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: Depends on how you define date.
Have you ever broken the law: Yea.
Have you ever been arrested: Well, my records seem clean enough.
Have you ever skinny-dipped: Doubt so. Maybe when i was a kid. Hahahah.
Have you ever been on TV: Nope.
Have you ever kissed someone you dont know: Nope.

5 things you are wearing: The two items mentioned, a earring on the right, my silver chain, specs.
4 things you done today: Ate cereal. Took my medicine. Gurgled with my medicated mouthwash. Tuned my guitar.
3 things you can hear right now: CPU's cooler fan, the tv, Summer Night City - ABBA
1 thing you do when you are bored: Depends. But usually its either i'll blog hop, surf the net or read a book.

People to do:
WeiLi (Since PN tagged me.)
Adeline`Goh
Dixon
Jehanne
RenHao !! (Actually i wanted to tag saba, but i cant seem to find her tagboard, so yea.)

apple pie.

Well, stuck at home with nothing to do, i tried to dig for my tuning fork and after a whole day of effort (more actually, i starting the search 2 days back), i finally found it. =D

So after an unsuccessful half hour of reading - my head feels really goggy for some unknown reason - i took out my usual equipment and started polishing and waxing apple pie (that's my guitar's name for you ignoramuses out there). I've this slight obsession with polishing and waxing my guitars. I think i rather wax and polish the whole day then play the guitar la. I'm tone deaf. =)

So now, off to tune my baby before maybe going out for a cuppa. =)

Where's evan when you need him. Arghh.

post-dental blues

So here i am, stuck at home with bleeding gums that have 2 holes in them and the metallic taste of iron in my mouth. That's not the end of it. Someone from the NDC called up after i finished my breakfast to inform me that the swelling starts today and can last from 3 to 7 days. So yea. You're excused if you scream when you see a walking tomato-head in school on monday.

The bleeding is somewhat controlled now, after about 60 pieces of gauze were used last night. Our dear unsympathtic warren was very much amused by the fact that every 5 to 10 minutes i would go 'wait, i need change my gauze first' laughing every time that happens.

Why did i decide to let them drill holes in my mouth anyway ? Oh yea. Food. Sigh. Things i do for food. Thank goodness i can still eat ice cream. =)

I'm soooo bored. I wanna go out but then i'm afraid it'll start bleeding outside and i'll freak everyone out when i change my bloody gauze.

Sigh.

Quoting RenHao's parting words for me as he rushed off for school half an hour ago, "Have fun ! Try not to bleed to much."

My jaw hurts like nuts now. I bought food. But cant eat yet. I ate a lil', just so that i can take my painkillers. It(the food, not painkillers) tasted sooo good, as usual, that i almost forgot my pain, that is, until the blood flowed over. The blood is seriously annoying me as well as giving me a headache.

Why isnt the bloody painkillers kicking in yet !!!

Argh.


Someone just shoot me.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Was late for school yesterday. There goes my resolution to turn over a new leaf. Cliche, cliche. But anyway, it's not as if the class actually had anything important on then. Econs lecture. Bah.

In fact, i shouldnt have even went to school yesterday be it not for my chinese oral. As the class decided to mass pon PW and GP, we (people with my combi) didnt have anymore lessons from 9.40 onwards. And even those before that were redundant.

Why must that henry low switch me to tuesday ??!! Wwhhhhyyyyy ??!!

Oh and oral was bad. I could figure out what the words were when we were sitting there and reading to ourselves but kept stumbling over them when it came to actually reading it to the examiners. As for the conversation, they were asking about the whole cant stay out after 11pm if you're under 17 thingy and i talked about buying bread. Bread. Dammit.


Lately Warren's being an ass and whining about how i'm obsessed over him. No. Him. Not warren. Warren. Eeewwwww.

Oh, happy belated birthday, Alvin and my dearest Wangki. Hahaha.

One and a half hour before my teeth gets jerked off.

Good luck for the finals, Nigel. =)

Oh and even a truckload more of it for your chinese oral. Hahahahaha.


Okay. I'm feeling random.

me.

I'm trying to do my economics project now, but i just cant seem to get pass whether the market structure of the hand phone industry in Singapore is of a Monopolistic Competition or of an Oligopoly.


I'm feeling ambiguous lately. The class seems to be hypocritical to say the least. People who dont like each another. People who are callous and mean for irrational reasons. People who expect things to be done their way and none other. People who cant seem to act responsibly. People who seem to be losing their sense of identity.

I think i'm falling into the last category. Which, for those who knew me, would be pretty weird. Seeing how eccentric and nonchalant i used to be about things. I realised how much i've changed lately. Less flare. Less blunt. Less craziness.

Maybe the dental break would do me good. Sorting out issues. Sorting out my priorities.



Accept me for who i am.

Because i am me.